Cap'n Eifersucht. Your bit of jealousy.

I really am starting to feel horrible. I’ve been irritable lately and I know it. I still can’t sleep well. I’ve been shutting myself off to people, especially Chris. And I know it’s hurting him, but I can’t bring myself to talk about all the things that are wrong because I don’t want him to say “Poor baby, I wish I was there” because then I hurt more. I wish he was here too but it can’t happen. I wish he was here during the school week when it’s the worst of all, but it can’t happen. And now even a week is hard to get through and I’m scared of what it will be like next year, when we tack on another hour between us, and we’re both even more busy. As for talking to other people, I know they’d rather not hear it. And I’m not one for charity.

I’m just tired.

Tired of not being able to sleep, of not being able to open up, of the stupidity that I deal with every goddamn day on one level or another.